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whtigers
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Posts: 317
Location: Iowa

Baseball Jokes

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Jokes & Humorous Stories

12-year-old Jeff Maier reached out and caught a fly ball at the Yankees-Orioles game, causing Baltimore to lose the first game of the playoffs.

This means that Maier has already caught more fly balls than the entire Mets outfield...

According to the Chicago Tribune, the following statistic was given in the press notes for the June 7 Chicago-Oakland game:

The Oakland Athletics are 32-0 in games in which they have scored more runs than their opponents.

A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Damn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."

A couple of Yogi Berra's teammates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem ...he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all brokeout into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened? "

The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor3.shtml

#1cubfan
votes: 0
Posts: 76

Rumor has it that the Cubs are 67 and 0 when scoring more runs than their opponents this year. LOL

sorianosthebest
votes: 0
Posts: 76

I did not know that dogs could talk. LOL

whtigers
votes: 0

Posts: 317
Location: Iowa

Ya, and this one is smart too. LOL

whtigers
votes: 0

Posts: 317
Location: Iowa

$200 Million Yankees Somehow Overachieving

NEW YORK--The New York Yankees have been on a tear in the second half of the season, going 24-8 since the All-Star break while closing the gap with the first place Red Sox to a mere four games. The torrid run has been a surprise to those who felt the Bombers didn’t have the pitching, timely hitting, or leadership to make a serious run at the division title this year.

Now it seems that the overachieving, $200 million pinstripers are proving the doubters wrong.

“I remember a lot of people saying just two months ago that we were losers, chokers, and that we were essentially finished,” said outfielder Johnny Damon. “Now look at us. We’re actually closing in on first place. We’re probably going to win the division. Let this be a lesson to all the kids out there: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough, especially if you have the greatest, most expensive lineup in the history of baseball.”

At one point early in the season, the Yanks were 14 games behind the Red Sox in the AL East. Left for dead by many, the gritty, never-say-die Bombers are turning heads with their sudden, unexpected streak of winning baseball.

“Right now we’re just firing on all cylinders,” said manager Joe Torre. “We have great chemistry in the clubhouse and we’re doing all the little things to win ball games. I also like the the fact that we started off the season horribly so we could lower people’s expectations enough that once we started winning they would actually be surprised. Hey, we have heart! We never say die! Even though we should actually be undefeated right now!”

Despite the team’s terrible first half performance, GM Brian Cashman refused to pull the trigger on moves to bolster their struggling bullpen and instead allowed closer Eric Gagne to go to the already pitching-rich Red Sox. The move appeared to be the final nail in the coffin for the Yanks, but instead, the team has turned it around while Gagne and the Red Sox have struggled.

“Totally ingenious of Cashman to not pull the trigger on that deal,” wrote New York Post scribe George King. “Obviously he knew something the rest of us didn’t. He knew that Gagne would struggle with the Red Sox and that the Yankees would start winning again. Of course, if Gagne turns it around and the Yankees start struggling again, I’ll be screaming for his job, because there is absolutely no excuse for letting a top shelf closer go to your division rival at the trading deadline.”

Perhaps no player epitomizes the overachieving Yankees more than third baseman Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez struggled to a .290 average with only 35 home runs and 121 RBI last season and was written off by many as a “choker” who couldn't stand the pressure of playing in New York.

This year, however, Rodriguez is having his best season to date and has been a key factor in the Yankees’ resurgence.

“It’s been a great year for me personally and a great year for the team,” A-Rod said after a 5-3 win over the Cleveland Indians on Sunday. “I know we started off a little slow but we never stopped believing in ourselves. We might not be the best team on paper but we know how to play winning baseball. Actually, we are the best team on paper and the fact that we had to scratch and claw our way back into contention is shocking and a little embarrassing. But in relation to the first half, we're actually overachieving right now. So we should be...I don't know...proud?”

When asked about the possibility of him opting out of his contract at the end of the year, Rodriguez was noncommittal.

“That’s something we’ll address in the off-season,” he said. “I haven’t even really thought about it yet. All I can say is I love it here and I appreciate how they have treated me. They’ve stuck with me through all of my ups and downs. For that, I may be prepared to give them what I call a ‘reverse hometown discount,’ which is like a normal hometown discount except it involves me giving Brian Cashman a wedgie while he agrees to pay me $50 million a year.”

This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

http://www.thebrushback.com/Archives/ov ... g_full.htm

$200 Million Yankees Somehow Overachieving

August 14 , 2007 Volume 2 Issue 107

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#1cubfan
votes: 0
Posts: 76

Ya, we will take A Rod off their hands.


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